Jun 27, 2012

Baby Bonding

I wanted to start by saying thank you to everyone who left kind and encouraging words in regards to my last baby related post.  It was hard for me to tell the truth ( I have wanted to many times but was too worried about what people would think) but it was really strengthening to hear some other stories and receive such kind words, so again I say, "thank you."

As the due date for my little man gets closer I have been thinking about how I want to spend time with him from the moment he is born and create a strong bond.  I didn't bond well with my little pumpkin and it took many months to form a really good bond but I am hoping to have more success this time around.  The problem is I am not exactly sure what it is that I should do right after the baby is born.  Let's face it, I am not a stay in bed type person (in fact I am totally the opposite-a do, do do all day person), I don't like to sleep in, I don't wear my pj's past 8:00am, I am pretty independent and I have two other kids and a husband who will be back at work by the time the baby is born.  With my pumpkin my husband stayed home for 2 days and then had to get back to work.  I didn't know what to do with myself considering I had another child already who needed me and my mom told me long before that how much she hated my vacuum, so I just got right back to doing all my normal stuff: housework, cooking meals, laundry, and blogging.  Then one day I realized I hadn't even taken a moment to recover from having had a baby or adding a second child into the mix but by then everyone was used to having mom back and so it just had to continue. 

So my question to you is: how do you bond with a new baby when you have a household that depends on you, a couple of supper meals brought in by people and not a lot of family near by to help?  Any suggestions or things that have worked for you?
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  1. Well I refused to do anything for two weeks with my first child. I rested, feed the baby and changed the baby. She was right there pretty much the whole time and I was able to enjoy her and just be. My husband took take of feeding us dinner. Sometimes it was a meal he cooked others it was fast food. Now I'm pregnant with my second child (which will be two years apart from my first) and I plan to do about the same thing. I figure as long as I make sure the oldest gets feed and doesn't get hurt I'll more or less let her run a muck for about two weeks while we all try to figure out this new baby. The hard part is not feeling guilty about let things go for a bit but remember your body just went through a traumatic experience and needs time to recover and figure things out and the housework will wait.

  2. I would let people help you! If someone offers to bring dinners for your family, let them! I know that I have been offered in the past to stock up my freezer with meals for after the baby comes and it helps. If someone offers to come and play with your girls so you can rest with your little boy, say yes! If someone offers to come and do some dishes or laundry, say yes! It really will help you out to take a step back and relax some. You will need this time, trust me. When I had my third it was overwhelming for me. Going from 1 to 2 kids was easy, but from 2 to 3 is hard. Now I am preparing to meet my fourth child in early August. I have been told by many that it is easier, but I will be accepting any offers for help from anyone who wants to do something! :-) Good luck!

  3. I have no local family, so with both of my babies, we were on our own! When I had my second, I wore her A LOT. Like all day, everyday. I was able to get the snuggles in with her but also play and go to activities with my older son. I had the wrap LoveyDuds from Etsy, but you can make one yourself in about 5 seconds because it's a single piece of really long jersey. Anyway, I wore her. Then, when feeding her (I formula fed), I'd sit on the couch and just be with her and her brother. He'd sit by us with a book, help feed her, or just snuggle all together. No tv, no noise, just snuggles. Whenever I could, I took a couch nap with her. :) If her brother was napping, I'd lay her on my chest and snuggle into the couch and snooze with her.

    Best of luck!!!

  4. I agree 100% with Cherie!! We are a military family and have NO relatives of any kind that live anywhere close to us. I wore my youngest two, ALOT!

  5. I don't have a 2nd child yet but with my first one thing that greatly helped was freezer meals I prepared ahead of time and grocery shopping to stock up so I would not have to get out and about unless it was necessary. We had about 2 weeks worth of meals which was one less thing on my mind. leave the house cleaning for another day or week all together. I too had an issue with not doing everything, every day and I regret that. I would make arrangements ahead of time for the older two to spend some time with grandparents or playdates for at least a couple hours a couple days a week. This will free up some time for you and baby to rest & bond. I'm bad about not accepting help because I feel like I should be super mom and be able to do it all myself, DO NOT have this attitude, you will be wore out and look back regretting not taking time to relax and enjoy the moments.

  6. I'm going to say ditto to the good advice you've already gotten and agree that you should try to rest and enjoy your little man when he gets here or you'll end up completely exhausted. With my third I really concentrated on making it a smooth transition for my older two and tried to have special times with them when the baby was sleeping. I tried to be Super Mom and do everything. If I was going to do it again I would definitely enlist some help. I would try to sleep when the baby slept and try to take it easy, at least for the first little bit. You'll do great! Enjoy your sleep before he gets here! *hugs*


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